


Reaching Where We Are

by Ri (miniminis_ri)



Category: General RPF
Genre: Because I haven't finished it yet, Diary/Journal-ish, F/F, Happy Birthday Evie!!, also, basically just me saying i love you and i miss you and remember me, but i horribly failed, i promise i tried to write drarry, lia too! i miss you!, not edited cuz i'm a senior and SCHOOL, pretty horrible if you ask me, school is awful, so i couldn't post it all at once, so i decided to write this instead, yeah also i suck at titles, yeah i guess that's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniminis_ri/pseuds/Ri
Summary: When I couldn't think of anything else to gift my wife as a birthday gift, I decided to write her a story about how we got together, from my point of view.
Relationships: Eva/Mari
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	1. before That Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissDrarryDawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissDrarryDawn/gifts).



> Dear Evie,
> 
> You continue to inspire me to be happier and to work for my future, so I could one day come and visit you. I know it's been only a month, but please keep waiting for me.
> 
> My life is much better now; thanks to your influence on me, I took action and confronted my parents. I've never felt safer in my house before, and it's all thanks to you (and Lia, too). This is hopefully one of my last years here, too, since my parents are slowly getting more open to the idea of me studying abroad *crosses fingers*. Please never give up, love, it all gets better sooner rather than later.
> 
> Happy birthday!
> 
> Love, Ri.

Our entire story started when a girl too needy for her own good stumbled upon a story on AO3. Her mind latched onto it for a whole day after she read it, replaying scenes, imagining different looks for the characters, and coming up with alternative endings. Which's why it was no surprise that she came back to stalk the author. 

What she found pleased her greatly, for the author had many other stories, all for the same ship. Her smile widened with every story she read, and the way her heart warmed with each new line she read made her decide to read _everything_ the author had posted. 

One day, she took a break from studying (maths, probably) and went on Pinterest. She scrolled aimlessly for a long time, until she found a screenshot from Tumblr; it was a soulmate-au prompt, and she immediately fell in love with it. She could’ve used it herself, in one of her unfinished drafts, but the first thing that popped in her head after reading it was, ‘Wow.. I wonder what MissDrarryDawn could do with this...’ 

That was how she decided that she needed a drarry soulmate-au, no matter what the cost. Even if she had to ask for it herself.... 

However, her courage was that equalling a chicken nugget’s, so she pushed it away and delayed it no matter how much free time she had. That is, until she read ‘Feline’. 

‘Feline’ was the last of MissDrarryDawn’s works left for her to read, and as luck would have it, it was a drarry soulmate-au. Our girl couldn’t believe it, and she desperately needed more, so she wrote her first comment to MissDrarryDawn. 

That one comment would start an epic thread of events that would change her life—not that she knew it. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Monday, September 9th 

My hands were sweating when I decided to write a comment on ‘Feline’. I've been reading MissDrarryDawn’s works for at least two weeks now, and I admired her way with words, the way she presented her characters, and the easy-going flow of her stories. I was terrified of what her reply would be... if she ever replied at all. 

My brain overworked itself with creating what-ifs and overanalysing them, that I almost rudely wrote “Write a soulmate-au for me.” just to end my self-inflicted suffering. 

I finally wrote the comment, cringing with every word I typed. I had no idea how requests work (still dunno), and truthfully, it must’ve been only the fourth comment I've wrote my whole life. 

_Quietmessofafangirl_ _:_

_Uwaaaah_ _! I love this so much, just like all the other stories of yours that_ _i've_ _read! Harry was awesome in this one_ _i_ _can't even, all the puns and pranks!_   
_(Ps. Wow_ _i_ _can't believe_ _i_ _found this specific story NOW, when_ _i_ _was on the_ _verge_ _of commenting on another one and asking you_ _i_ _you do prompts because_ _i'd_ _really love to read like a million_ _cliche_ _soulmate_ _aus_ _( or_ _secret relationship, OR fake dating) in your style)_

(Ugh, reading it now is torture! Look, there’s even a typo in the middle! I have no idea how MissDrarryDawn read that and decided to reply at all.) 

But reply she did, only 15 minutes later: 

_MissDrarryDawn_ _:_

_thank you so much!_ _i_ _had so much fun writing this! also, if you have an interesting prompt, you can always_ _hmu_ _,_ _i_ _just might write it for_ _ya_ _;3 anyways, thanks so much for your nice comment :D_

(Doesn't she sound so sweet? That was probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!) 

I only saw it the next day, when I came back from school, and it made my day. I did a happy dance to celebrate my success in requesting something, and I excitedly sat down to reply. It was just as cringey as my initial comment, but in my defense, I had no idea how to properly write comments. She replied again later that afternoon, and that was the happy end of it. 

Or so I thought. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Tuesday, September 17th 

A week passed. RM of BTS turned 25, my little sister turned 15, I spent roughly 20 pounds on food, MissDrarryDawn didn’t post any soulma--Until she did. I woke up to get ready for school, and checked my email like I do every morning, only something was different. 

A gift work. 

What the fuck? 

I clicked on the email, not knowing what to expect, and what I found shocked me into silence for the next ten minutes. 

I read the story as fast as I could, still not comprehending what ‘a gift work’ is. Did MissDrarryDawn actually write this _for me_? Am I reading too much into it? Did I understand something wrongly? 

I wrote a comment of jumbled letters and exclamation marks and clicked send. I was in full shock mode, until I went to school and saw my best friend. 

“You will never believe what I'm about to tell you.” I whispered when she sat down next to me. 

She turned to face me, curiosity evident in her eyes (not that I know the first thing about body language or reading people, but that one’s obvious). “What?” 

“Remember I told you I read Harry Potter fanfiction? Yeah, well, today a really great author wrote one for me.” 

She leaned back in her chair, eyebrows raised, “Wow. How was it?” 

“Awesome!” I gushed. My feelings were coming back to me, and I jumped in my seat. “I can’t believe it actually happened!” 

My friend smiled indulgently. I knew she didn’t really care about fanfiction, least of all Harry Potter, but she listened attentively whenever I couldn’t help but talk to her about it. Like the really good person she is. 

Back home, I checked my email for a reply from MissDrarryDawn. Going by our past interaction, I expected her to reply relatively quickly. However, there was nothing. 

Is this it? I thought. Did she just write the story, and then kick me out of her mind? 

Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. I figured it would surely happen. After all, MissDrarryDawn didn’t owe me anything. I shouldn’t’ve expected anything other than one small curt reply, really. 

She proved me wrong the next day with her reply. It wasn’t anything fancy, really, just one line about ‘giving credit where credit is due’, but then I replied, and she replied again, and whoa this is my longest online conversation already. 

Apparently, I was running high on courage that week, because two days later, I popped back in to ‘casually drop’ a list of soulmate-au prompts. 

(I still have no idea why I did that. God, _embarrassing_!) 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Wednesday, September 18th 

Nothing much happened that day. MissDrarryDawn posted a beautiful amnesia-au that I didn’t know I needed, and I totally described my feelings about it in the comment I wrote. (I don’t think I need to actually point the sarcasm. My comments are terrible, period.) 

~ ❤️ ~

~Friday, September 20th 

New day, new story. 

That day, I embarrassed the shit out of myself with my comment. _Again_. 

Even though I wholeheartedly meant it, I never expected to actually write that, so it embarrassed me a lot: 

_Quietmessofafangirl_ _:_

_I really should've said this a long time ago, but I always forget... I really admire you, and your writing, and your ability to write full stories (one better than the other) in the span of a couple of days! I could only hope to have that relationship with my creativity and writing. So, I'd like you to know, I look up to you, and I can't wait to love the rest of your stories! ♡_

(See how I wrote ‘a long time ago’ as if I’ve been talking to her for longer than one (1) week.) 

I _did_ mean it, though. MissDrarryDawn was one of my greatest sources of inspiration in everything, even though I only knew about her for a month. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Sunday, September 22nd 

Ah, the angst is here. 

Honestly, I had a pretty good day until I saw ‘Sorry Ever After’ and actually cried about it. I kept remembering every little detail at school and getting sad about it, and I was just about to write a happy ending myself. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Wednesday, September 25th 

Three days. 

I had to cry about ‘Sorry Ever After’ for three whole fucking days before MissDrarryDawn finally posted the happy ending. 

But boy, was it happy. I loved it so much that I gave her a cookie in the comments. (I'd like to note that this is around when I finally got a little better at writing comments.) 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Sunday, September 29th 

So, it turned out that MissDrarryDawn loved to torture me. Surprise, surprise. 

She took one of my favourite soulmate-au tropes and turned it into _angst_ for the sole purpose of whatever-it-is. Just to spite me. Whatever. 

(Gah, I hate that I like angst so much.) 

Anyway, thank god she posted it as a gift to me or else I would’ve been screaming in the comments instead of being a sensible, shell-shocked person. 

(Tip: if you ever want me to go into shock, gimme a gift; because I will become speechless for the next two hours at least, _and_ thank you and compliment you during that time.) 

And, as if one story isn’t enough to tear my heart, she posted another one—on the same day! --and it was even more angsty and heart-breaking. I literally stuttered in my comment. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Monday, September 30th 

The series continues, only on this update, MissDrarryDawn’s mind comes back to her and she actually writes fluff. Yay!~ 

My comments this time were more casual; I felt we were becoming closer—and even if we weren’t, I had rights to do whatever the fuck I wanted after what she did to my prompt. 

It was also the first time I mentioned Ceci (Cecithewitchbitch). She appeared in almost all of MissDrarryDawn’s works, either threatening her or passively complimenting her, and I assumed they were friends. 

Since she mentioned us both in the author’s note, I decided to take the liberty and mention her as well, if only to threaten MissDrarryDawn. 

Looking back, I think this was the starting point of it all—when I told MissDrarryDawn my name. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Thursday, October 3rd 

Things were happening. Everything was slow-paced, yes, but things were changing, and I could feel them tilting towards Good. 

MissDrarryDawn posted ‘Firewhiskey And All Its Advantages’ while I was asleep. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Friday, October 4th 

I read ‘Firewhiskey And All Its Advantages’ as soon as I woke up. 

The story was wondrously fluffy, and I loved it a lot. However, MissDrarryDawn was being a little shit in the author’s notes, so I thought that calling her out was more important than gushing about the fluff. 

For some reason, I asked her if she had Tumblr. I don’t know why I did that. Like I logged in mine more than once every two weeks. 

Anyways, she said yes. I went to check it out, and... well, it was... empty. Just. There was nothing. I legitimately thought she’d created it just then. 

But that wasn’t as important as the other bit of information she gave me. She wrote, _“btw, my name’s_ _eva_ _so :_ _D”_. Of course, I already knew what her name was (I stalked her for a month, of couse I know it!--it’s right there in her profile.) 

The thing was her _allowing_ me to call her that. I felt overwhelmed, like something was happening now, and it’s going to be great, and it’ll take my mind off my shitty life. I was so excited. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Saturday, October 12th 

Between ‘Firewhiskey’ and ‘The Wank Prank’, Eva posted two stories that I didn’t comment on, for some reason. I didn’t even leave kudos... 

What exactly happened that week? Hm. 

Anyways, I read ‘The Wank Prank’ sometime at night, when I should’ve been studying for my physics test. (That perfectly illustrates my priorities, I think. Hehe~) 

And the next day, when I got a full mark on my test and went back to the comment section to tell Eva, I discovered that she went to ‘nursing school’. I had to stare at my screen for a long time, trying to figure out exactly how old she was. When does one go to ‘nursing school’? Is it a college? Was Eva in her twenties? 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Tuesday, October 15th 

Eva told me her name three days before writing me porn. (I know it was technically posted on the 14th, but that was in the middle of the fucking night and nobody read it until the 15th. Man, time zones are a _mess_.) 

Anyway. Yes. Porn. 

What exactly got into her? I still think about it till this day. How do you award good grades with porn? That just... doesn’t happen. Shouldn't happen. I can’t even think about it without blushing red as a beetroot. 

But it did happen. And I yelled about it in my comment, so all’s good. 

At least I thought it was. Suddenly, it became Better. Ceci crashed our comments thread to say that she ships us, and the first thing I thought was: ‘OMG. I do too! How did I not notice?’. So I decided to be on the lookout and ask Eva to marry me as soon as she comes back to AO3. 

But I guess that great minds _do_ think alike, for when I logged in to check, I found that Eva had already proposed to me. Annoying lil shit, stealing my lines. 

And, well, that was the start of everything. #EvaRi was born from Ceci’s great mind, and Eva and I got married. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Wednesday, October 16th - Sunday, October 20th 

Talk shifted from our wedding to our countries. Both me and Eva come from shitty places, and Ceci turned out to be the only lucky one between us. 

With every word I read and every word I wrote, I discovered new things about Eva and about myself. I've never felt so free talking with anybody before, and I found myself thinking about things I would usually shy away from. 

I don’t know if it’s because of Eva herself or because we were talking online and basically knew nothing about the other, but I was very thankful for the opportunity to open up about myself. I don’t remember the last time I did that. Probably never. 

We talked about our future plans (turns out both of us has once thought of studying English and Psychology!), we talked about how much we hated physics, we talked about how smart each of us is (seriously, three geniuses), we talked about exams, about Harry and Draco, about religions, about LGBTQ rights, abuse, the Harry Potter books, K-Pop... 

I told them about my fears. I told them about how I suspect I'm in an abusive situation with my family. They were my biggest supporters, especially Eva, having gone through some shit, too. I couldn’t put into words just how I loved having them in my life. I didn’t know I needed them until I got them. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Monday, October 21st - Thursday, October 24th 

Eva and I were so flirty and sweet with each other all the time. The smiles never dropped from my face for a whole week, and talking to them became the highlight of my day. 

My birthday came closer, and Eva started telling me about my birthday gift. The smiles turned into full-blown grins. 

Eva became Evie, and I couldn’t become happier if I tried. 

~ ❤️ ~ 

~Friday, October 25th 

My birthday. 

I.e. one of the worst days of my life. 

I've never enjoyed a real birthday with my family, ever. No matter how much I try to make it the best day of the year for myself, they always find ways to ruin it. They don’t care about birthdays, so it doesn’t matter to them whether or not I have fun on my day. 

I got into a fight with my mother. By now, it’s a monthly tradition, and this month, it happened on my birthday. 

It was really silly, actually. She ordered me to clean the house with her, but I politely asked her if I could do it the next day, because it was my birthday and I wanted to enjoy it without cleaning our two-story house. 

Of course, she didn’t agree. She threw a fit and decided that I didn’t deserve to be talked to for the rest of the day. 

My father took us all out, and the family got into another fight, because I asked to go the new mall that opened close to us, but my grandmother wanted to spend the day on the beach. Knowing full well how much I hate it. I didn’t even ask twice! They got in a fight with themselves. 

If my sister wasn’t on my side and she managed to convince them, my birthday would’ve become even worse. 

I kept checking my phone for a notification from Eva. But everything was silent. 

In the end, we did go to the mall. My sister’s presence was the only good thing about the whole trip, and I was greatly thankful to her. 

When we got home, mother gave me a mug. She said it reminded her of me and she bought it. It was her way of saying sorry but not saying sorry at the same time, and I accepted it. 

Midnight came and passed, and finally Eva posted my gift. I was waiting for it the whole day, and despite all the ugly tears it made me cry, I loved every bit of it. 

Then Ceci wrote a part two, and I fell in love with it and with her writing style. I couldn’t ask for better friends if I wanted. 


	2. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am back. Much earlier than I expected. But I really wanted to do this before the New Year. Sort of my last accomplishment in 2019.
> 
> warnings: contains an uncomfortable amount of Kpop references and mentions Also mentions of suicidal thoughts.

1\. No More Dream

It all began on the 28 th of October .

It was three days after my birthday,  Evie, Lia and I were talking nonstop,  continuing even until past midnight on some days. Looking back, that was a very bad thing to do, really.

That day was a Monday. Back on Saturday, I’d tried a new stir-fried noodles recipe and the whole family had it for lunch. Not even an hour later, I fell face-down on my bed in pain. I expected I had gases, which was a natural thing, especially for me, since I was known to have frequent stomach-aches ever since I was eight.

However, not a single one of them lasted three days. What was worse is that it was accompanied by a nausea so bad I couldn’t even smell food without retching. I was badly dehydrated and malnourished. Yet the only thing I did was open Messenger and ask Evie and Lia about their days.

Every single action of mine came to bite me in the ass that day. My father came to check on me sometime after 5 o’clock, and as luck would have it, I’d forgotten to mute the notifications on Messenger after I’d turned them on earlier in the afternoon.

I was half asleep and moaning in pain, so all I processed was my father standing over me with my phone in his hand, looking shocked. I instantly knew what was going on: he saw the notifications from when Evie and Lia finally answered, and he couldn’t believe that I was talking to someone online after all the times he’s warned us about the dangers of the  Cybernet .

He took my phone with him back to the living room. After minutes of looking at my remaining options, I followed him. I was still feeling all kinds of terrible, though, so I couldn’t do much other than slump on a chair and moan while staring at my phone on the table. So close, yet out of reach (literally and metaphorically).

Mother finally took pity on my state (after, what, half an hour) and asked father to take me to the hospital. He agreed and we left not too long after. On the way, he didn’t talk about my phone or what he saw in it or why he took it, just asked me about my stomach and the  other symptoms he should tell the doctor about. Long story short, the hospital was  hella busy when we got there, so we had to wait at least an hour to be let in and then I had to go through a blood test and  having an IV stuck in me for an hour. It was annoying and I was cold and yet my father never talked. I almost combusted from the stress.

Finally, father pulled me out of the hospital because “there’s no need to have an IV for that long, you’re healthy now, just eat at home”. He dropped me off at home and went out to have a smoke while I ate and took my meds. As expected, shit hit the fan when he came back in.

It was already midnight when he  called me and mother into the kitchen to interrogate me about everything. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I’d tried to pathetically lie my way out. As if I didn’t know I was tired as fuck, one second away from sobbing  _ and _ going to tell the truth anyway. But, you know, I’ve always liked to manipulate, to the point where I did it to myself, too. Purposefully. 

I told the m the truth about e verything. Who Evie and Lia were, how I came to know them, the  comment threads we have on AO3, everything.

Then, because I’d been possessed by a spirit or something, I thought it was a good time as any to finally open up about my feelings at home and the emotional abuse I thought I was receiving. I told my parents that I just about hated them, that was uncomfortable and insecure in my own home, and that through all that my sister and Evie were the most important things to me.

I cried and talked with them for  maybe three hours. I kept insisting that I don’t care about anything anymore, and that the only thing I wanted was to talk  to my friend,  _ if only to tell her I won’t be back _ .

My mother couldn’t have looked more shocked if she tried, and my father was visibly having trouble trying to process what I was telling him (especially since I switched to English).

At the end, father took my phone and told me he’ll inform me of my punishment later.

On the next day, they didn’t wake me up for school . I slept for most of the day, since I had nothing else to do  and I really didn’t feel like crying any more.

When she came back from work, mother was stepping on eggshells around me. It made me feel like I was some  infected thing she couldn’t touch without dying. Father  simply  avoided me.

I was left with my thoughts for the rest of the day, and the memory of all the promises they gave me the  previous night. I decided that wouldn’t really mind dying.

But, being at least somewhat religious, I knew that if I died anytime soon, I would go straight to  Hell, no questions asked . Which, I didn’t want to escape my own personal Hell to fall into one an unbelievable  amount of times worse. So, I decided that I had to live and work to assure a better ending for myself, for my sake.

I started having second thoughts about my whole  (admittedly short) life and the way I’ve lived it.  I’m still thinking about them to this day.

* * *

2\. Sweet Chaos

It was the first of November. I had another talk with my parents, but I’d put thought into what I said and I actually listened to what  they  told me . My mentali ty had changed a lot during the past week, and I had  only two goal s : figure out how to turn the tables to benefit me, and find a way to tell Evie why I can’t talk to her anymore (I wasn’t dumb. I knew they would never let me talk to her again).

What I didn’t take into account before talking with them was understanding their point of  view. It totally changed everything.  But it made sense, and  I couldn’t deny it however much I tried.

I’d only met Evie online.  I don’t even know if everything she (and Lia) told me wasn’t part of a lie or a lie in itself. And I had no way of making sure. I could only believe what was in front of my eyes.

So, it made a lot of sense why I  decided to not tal k with either of them again. We might meet once again and they turn out to be who they said they are, and I could have my best friends back, or we don’t and I’ll go on with my life having gained  helpful lessons from them. Still, I had to tell them that. I couldn’t leave them in the dark.

Thinking back on it, I was very emotional and dramatic in the way I talked about my parents to them. At least on that last day. I think I couldn’t bear the thought of telling them that I decided to do  this on my own and not  because of the threat of my parents ( though there was some of that, too).  I don’t think I would’ve survived them doing that to me in that mental state I had, so I didn’t want to  put them through that either.

After I did talk to them, I felt numb and empty. I deleted all their texts and unfriended them on Facebook . I plucked them out of my life so I wouldn’t be tempted to contact them once more.  Because I really, really,  _ really _ wanted to, despite everything.

* * *

3\. HALA  HALA (Hearts Awakened, Live Alive)

A month passed since I last talked to my friends. At the beginning, I’d expected to be depressed and  sad as fuck through it, but then I realized that even though I’ve lost my best friends, it wasn’t the end of my life.

I couldn’t go back to reading drarry, because it was too connected with Evie and Lia, and I couldn’t do that yet. As a result of basically avoiding that, I immersed myself in  kpop in a way I never thought would happen.

I became attached to those people who were more real than the Harry Potter characters could ever be, no matter what anybody thought. BTS,  its members and ideas and concepts, held my hand  tightly and pulled me out of my depressed slump. Their songs wrapped me up in a silky soft  blanket and showed me how to work on myself in a way no one could relate to.  It was  _ my  _ thing, and I was determined to take all the good I can  have from them.

Then ATEEZ ran by my side, steered me towards the light and said, “come on, let’s go find ourselves together!”. Through them, my relationship with my mother became something I never expected but will continue to nurture and cherish. I asked my personal questions in their name, and discovered that I had many issues with Islam that I wanted to get over. I believed that it was the ultimate religion, but I didn’t  _ believe _ in all of it yet. Now I’ve started a journey to do just that. I’m going to look at Islam as if I’m not a Muslim and as if I don’t know anything about it. I’m going to Believe in it.

I’m going to find my way in life.  Starting with my religion and immediate future. I’m going to  make new connections and get to know my parents. My life will change to the better, I’m making sure of that.

The only thing I have yet to do before that, is tell my best friends, Evie and Lia, how much of an influence they’ve been on me. If it weren’t for Evie, I would probably be suicidal by now. She made me want to believe in myself and my life and want to outlive all my enemies. I could only hope that she thinks the same way.

[ I’ve always wanted the best for you, Evie-bear , please want the same for yourself.

I’m going to tell you this because  kpop and music was my way of overcoming my problems, and I wish that  maybe, if you ever do this, you think of me and of how much I cared about you. “Butterfly” is a BTS song about someone in a relationship  with someone suicidal. I hate that I bring it up a lot, but we used to talk about it, and  whenever I think of you, I wonder if you’ve gone through with it or if you’re still there. Whenever you feel sad, or hurt, or you want to do something bad to yourself, listen to “Butt erfly” (preferably with lyrics) and imagine it’s me telling you that. Remember how much I love you, and stay strong for that one girl you used to talk to. That one girl you used to call “ Ri” . 

I wish you all the best, my best friend. I want to tell you so much more, but I’m afraid I won’t stop, so I’ll cut myself off here. ]

On the other hand, what I saw of Lia is that she was a very  optimistic and happy person. She made me  want to look for the good side of everything when I wanted to glue myself to the floor and  wallow in sadness. I didn’t get to be as close to her as I did with Evie , and I really regret that sometimes.  I really wish I’d meet her in real life.

[Lia, my good friend, I am sorry.  I wish I could go through all this again but pay more attention to you. I miss you as much as I miss Evie sometimes, and I really wish you two are enjoying your time together (if you still talk... I’m assuming that) . You are a great person, and I wish  you all the best in your life. I’m sorry I don’t remember  what you wanted to do with your life after school (we  _ did  _ talk about that, right??) but I know you’ll be amazingly successful in whatever it is. I believe in you. Also, keep writing; your style is seriously great! ]

* * *

4\. End of the Beginning

This is it. This is the end of my beginning. My story truly starts here and now. Even though I’ve lost so much in the past months (the whole year, really) what I have now is much  better.

I’m going to  start the new decade tomorrow as a whole new girl. 2020 will be my year, no matter what anyone will say.

People in my life have shown me  reasons why I should love myself and work for me, and I will not let them down. 

[Evie-bear, I once told you that when we move out, we’ll get to start living our own  _ lives _ , the ones we deserved to live all along. That’s not true. We deserve it now, so we shouldn’t have to wait for it. Start living, babe. But always remember, you are the most important. Always stay safe.  And if that means having to work harder or wait longer for that life you should live, then so be it.  Never forget how much you matter.]

* * *

5\. Beginning of the End

Finally we begin

It's been a long road so far

It's too early to say

you've done a good job

If the beginning is just half way

I'm here for the good life

I'm on my way

I'm  gonna enjoy the rest of the other half till the end

Better life

Now I admit that,

life is a long marathon

The difference now is that I

Set the course

When endless questions and countless standards

Mess up,

I don't mind

If you hand them over

I hope you congratulate us, today on our first step

Grow Up

It's not easy, but I don't want to stop it,

Oh yeah

Row Up

Breathlessly

Row up Row up Row up

Go faster

No matter what I'm going my way

It's what I've dreamed every night

Don't worry we're just going our way

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where

You're going, my way

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where you're going

This is My way

This is My way

This is My way

This is Our way

I always wanted you

To take care of me

The moment I'm alone

It's hard for me

When the memories that kept my side of me

Collapsed one by one

I thought everything around me

Was going to disappear

I don't look back

I know life's endless

I've been shaken

And I know it's a change

I will never forget

I enjoy the word youth

And at this moment

The pain is gone

Grow Up

It's not easy, but I don't want to stop it,

Oh yeah

Row Up

Breathlessly

Row up Row up Row up

Go faster

No matter what I'm going my way

It's what I've dreamed every night

Don't worry we're just going our way

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where

You're going, my way

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where you're going

This is My way

Every moment, I'm not afraid

With anything

I will never stop walking

I believe in our destiny, destiny, destiny

Forget the hard times, times

I'll be here

Let's go without hesitation

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where you're going

This is My way

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Just go where you're going

This is My way

Don't be afraid

Dreams are everywhere

Don't forget,  We can do Everything

-My Way, ATEEZ

Love,  Ri .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to read all of your thoughts. Please write all and any thing you want. :)
> 
> Happy New Year, girls! Let's go make this new decade ours!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry that I can’t post the whole thing today, but school has been kicking my ass for a whole month, and finals are coming up in the beginning of January, so I have no free time to write. As soon as I'm on break, though, (sometime mid-January?) I'll finish this and post it with a veeerrrry looong message at the end, so wait for me! 
> 
> I love you two so much, and I can’t put in words how much I miss you. I cried when I saw that you posted a story to me the other day, and I had to wait a couple of days to be mentally ready to read it. Which, I'd like to say, I dunno why y’all like... these kinds of kinky stuff... but I support you anyway! Just—just don’t say it’s for me, please. I think I'll be scarred for life because of all of it... 
> 
> Wait for me to come back! 
> 
> (Also, if you want to, comment what you think about this story/journal-thingy. I’m not sure if I'll be able to respond, but I'll read everything and love it.) 
> 
> (Pray for me! I *might* come to the UK next year to study!)


End file.
